


Missing Piece

by LilacLetter



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Brother Feels, Brothers, Cell Phones, Episode: s01e01 Pilot, Gen, Heartache, Late at Night, Loneliness, Missing Scene, POV Dean Winchester, Regret, Stanford Era (Supernatural), The Impala (Supernatural)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-19 09:49:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29997549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilacLetter/pseuds/LilacLetter
Summary: Dean needs help finding Dad who’s been missing for a few weeks. But that isn’t the only reason why Dean shows up at Stanford after all this time. Set in the pilot 1x1 (companion fic to ‘Break Away’).
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	Missing Piece

**Author's Note:**

> AN: Set a few hours before Dean surprises Sam at Stanford in the middle of the night (pilot episode). It can be read as a companion fic to my story 'Break Away' or as a standalone fic.
> 
> This story was first posted on FF last year under the pen name Lilac Letter, and now it's my debut on AO3. Here's a slightly revised version for you.
> 
> Supernatural isn’t mine.
> 
> Enjoy! :)

Dean sat in the Impala, his left hand resting on the steering wheel, his right hand gripping his cellphone tightly, staring at the tiny display. It was well past midnight, and he couldn’t sleep. He had spent the past couple of days in his beloved car, even slept in there because he had nowhere else to go. Tonight, he’d parked her in the middle of nowhere with every intention of sleeping – but his mind was restless. So, he just sat there, contemplating his next steps.

Dad was gone.

He’d left for a hunt a few weeks back and had not shown up ever since. Every attempt to contact him had failed. He had just vanished.

Dean was all alone.

Dad had left Dean just like everyone else had.

Mom had been gone for pretty much his whole life, dead.

And Sam was gone, too – the only person who could possibly help him to find Dad.

His little brother had left the hunting life – _and his family_ – behind almost three years ago to go to college. Getting a higher education and living a _normal_ life had been his plan for a while, smart kid he was.

Sam and Dad had always butted heads about it. On the one hand, Dad just couldn’t accept his son to do something other than hunting – it was the family business after all. On the other hand, he simply feared that he couldn’t protect Sam from evil anymore if he went his own ways.

Of course, Dean had never wanted Sam to leave either. But even he had to admit that Dad had always been especially hard on the youngest Winchester, pushing him into hunting against his will. The man had been like a frigging drill sergeant, still was with Dean – but the older brother had never cared so much. He accepted his father’s harsh commands as necessary evil to protect his sons from monsters.

Sam, to the contrary, had always been more sensitive, asking for trouble with the old man all the time.

Still, Dean understood his brother’s wishes. He had never wanted anything other than Sam to be happy. He still did. He wanted Sam to have this white-picket-fence and apple-pie life, with a normal job, wife, and 2.4 kids – the whole deal.

More than anything, he wanted him to be safe.

And hunting wasn’t safe.

However, a safe and simple, ordinary life had never seemed an option for Dean himself. He was born into the life and there was no way out. But maybe there was for his little brother.

After a heated argument with Dad – Dean didn’t even remember what it was about – Sam had finally packed his bag. He had just left in the dead of the night.

And it had hurt Dean a great deal. Because Sam had not just left hunting or Dad. He had left _Dean_.

Big brother and little brother had been together all their lives. They had always counted on each other. They had cared for each other even when Dad wasn’t around. They had trusted each other with their lives. Sam had never been just Dean’s little brother. He had been and still was his responsibility.

“Watch out for Sammy,” Dad had told Dean at a very young age. Dean had never forgotten. He had never even needed to be asked to do so. Keeping Sam safe had ever since been his job – one that he had always done willingly and full of determination because he just loved that kid so much.

So, when Sam left, it had felt like he had ripped out a chunk of Dean. Sam had taken a part of Dean with him. The older Winchester had been missing something ever since then. It was almost as if his kid brother’s departure had left a Sam-shaped hole in Dean’s heart – a damage that would never heal.

After all, they were two halves of a whole. And Dean was missing his better half.

God, he missed _Sam_.

Even today, years later, the wound was still fresh. Dean wanted his little brother back so bad. Now that he was all alone in this world, he needed him even more than before.

Still holding his cell, without even realizing it, Dean’s fingers suddenly navigated through his contacts on instinct – directly to the one person he had been thinking about all night.

_Sam._

His thumb hovered over the familiar name, ready to dial.

Dean desperately wanted to hear his little brother’s voice. They hadn’t talked in months, hadn’t seen each other in almost a year. Every day he didn’t hear from Sam made Dean’s heart grow heavier and heavier.

But what was he going to tell him?

_Hey Sammy, it’s me, clingy big brother Dean. I know you want out of the life forever. But now Dad’s gone, and I need your help finding him… Because I’m just too pathetic to be on my own._

Dean snorted to himself – half with disgust at the self-deprecation echoing in his mind (because it was true, Dean was a piss poor excuse of a man when he was alone), half with amusement at how accurately he could predict Sam’s annoyed expression when hearing the news.

He pictured Sam’s typical bitchface: furrowing his brows, shooting a penetrating glance through wide hazel eyes, the left corner of his mouth twitching and, of course, his jaw clenching in that familiar Sammy-way.

He chuckled at the mental image.

Dean was able to read Sam like an open book. He knew every little nuance of Sam’s facial expression and body language. He could decipher how his brother felt by the way he talked, walked, or even just breathed.

It worked the other way around too. Sam knew all of Dean’s weaknesses and shared his secrets. As the little brother he also knew how to twist Dean around his little finger.

Dean would do everything for Sam.

 _Everything_.

And maybe that was why – even though Dean suffered the consequences so horridly – he had let his little brother go. Dean had let Sam leave because he loved him too much to see him imprisoned in a life he hated.

Regardless, this act of altruism continued to hurt like hell.

_Every. Single. Day._

The ghost of a smile from before died on Dean’s lips. He was feeling so, so heavy.

Dean’s finger still lingered over the little green key on his phone. He wanted to press it; he really did. But he stopped himself at the last second.

If he called his little brother tonight, chances were Sam wouldn’t even pick up - or worse, he would tell Dean to leave him be.

The thought alone sent a painful stab through his heart.

No, he wasn’t going to call Sam. And he wasn’t going to pull him back into the life again, especially because this was about Dad – the very reason Sam had run away in the first place.

Sam deserved happiness.

Dean painfully swallowed the emotions welling up in his chest and took a deep breath. He finally released his tight grip on the phone and tossed it on the passenger’s seat. Still, he felt defeated and lonely – lonelier than he had in years.

God, he wanted Sam by his side.

Even though he had already decided not to call his brother, Dean still fought an internal battle.

Maybe, just maybe, Sam was feeling the same. Perhaps he was sitting in the apartment he shared with his girl, wide awake in the middle of the night, thinking of Dean, missing him as much as Dean missed Sam.

More than that, maybe Sam was sensing his brother’s current trouble, that he couldn’t find Dad and that he was alone, desperately trying to figure out what to do. The brothers had always shared an exceptional bond, just sensing – _feeling_ – when the other one needed them. Their connection was _that_ strong. Or at least it had been in the past.

Dean closed his eyes and washed a tired hand over his face. He was miserable.

He didn’t know what to do. Disturb his kid brother’s peaceful life to get help finding Dad and maybe to selfishly get the brotherly affection he longed for? Or leave Sam alone, never finding Dad again and being on his own for the rest of his life?

Dean groaned with frustration.

It was a tugging war between his mind and his heart – the mind reasoning, screaming at him to leave Sam the hell alone, the heart begging and pleading to finally be reunited with its missing piece.

It was like a raging thunderstorm in his head.

Dean usually wasn’t a person to mull over things for a long time. But right now, it felt as if he pondered for hours before finally deciding when it had actually only been a few seconds.

There was a beat of silence.

Then, his decision stood.

He just had to go with his gut (or rather his heart). All reason had been vanquished. 

Dean _needed_ to be with Sam.

Yeah, he was selfish. And yeah, he would probably regret this. He could still apologize later.

But damn, he needed his brother _right now_.

So, Dean was going to drive all the way up to Stanford to see Sam. Tonight. Now.

He still wasn’t going to bother with calling in advance – there was no time to lose. Also, calling his little brother would give him the chance to talk Dean out of coming to see him. Dean couldn’t have that. He was egoistic in that way, at least for tonight.

His heart ached for Sammy so much that Dean didn’t even think about going to sleep anymore.

If he could, he’d beam himself to California right this second.

Well, Dean did the next best thing. He gripped the Impala’s wheel tightly and let the engine purr.

Then he let Baby take him where he had always belonged.

With his brother.

_I’m coming, Sammy._

**The end.**

**Author's Note:**

> AN: Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed it :)


End file.
